Sexual Harassment Versus Light

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Sexual Harassment Versus Light

"Change that face honey. "


I keep my face strait. Same pace. Less air in my lungs.


"Did you hear me?"


All the Same. Just don't turn. Don't.


As I walk away the voices are fading. Though not fast enough, as I feel now, like I'm choking. Take a breath, Sasha. Take a breath.

Three guys. Leaning on a fence. Mid day, Williamsburg. Should I turn? What will I say? What do I want to say?


'Let me ask you a question - why do you feel compelled to harass women on the street like this?' And then what? He is way too old for this kind of lesson. I could say 'I swear to god I'll fuck you up so bad...' I envision myself punching his cheekbone with my ring and busting his face.

The voices still follow me. I block what they are saying. It's been a while since I've experienced something like this. I'm mad and I'm so, so tough. Keep my head up. Then from nowhere, the tears start gathering in my big eyes. I shake my head to hold them in, wondering to why THIS one rubbed me in such a different way.

My uncontrollable reaction leads me to believe It's the distance we still have to walk towards equality. It's the gap between objectifying and respecting we have to bridge, which seems almost impossible. It's this terrifying time before one of the most crucial elections in America and I can't even vote. It makes me so sad to feel the pain of ALL women. I think about the lump in the throats of each and every one of us during those moments we ALL experienced. The inability to speak.

A few hours later I go to a bar in the East Village for a friend's birthday. It's an old-school place. Good energy. Pretty quiet. I wait patiently before I get the bartenders attention. 

 

All of a sudden an arm around my shoulder. Smell of booze. Close body. I think it is Mathias. It's not.


"All right" I mumble and move away. He doesn't even respond. Drunk. Shit faced as they say. Americans. The money makers. The pussy grabbers.

I go to the back room to find my friends. We sit around a big, round wooden table and talk about our job as artists. Robert says it's to bring the light back. After just finishing the article about Leonard Cohen in the New Yorker earlier, I suddenly remember -

There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in


Somehow it softens me and I believe it is indeed my job. 

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Georgia

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Georgia

With every inhale up the hill I'm getting closer to myself.

The more I think about my love, the more I want to reach the peak.
And with those thoughts I do, almost in tears. 
I made it.
The mountains' affect lasts for as long as I'm eating my peach.
I made it.

Through the decline it's clear how little I belong to the ones who bore me.

As I stopped lying to myself I found the truth. 
No, I don't believe in magic.
I believe in life
Believe in us
Believe in you.

 

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Behind 'Symmetry Breakfast'

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Behind 'Symmetry Breakfast'

Work for me is serving food and drinks to people at 12 Chairs, a restaurant in Williamsburg Brooklyn - the most talked about neighborhood in New York. I love my job because I get to interact with extremely interesting people and hear their stories, I am on my feet for eight hours strait which gets me out of my head and keeps me in shape. I also don't take work home with me. 

Most important, It's flexible, which allows me to do what I love - make music, travel and write.

We have regulars who come every day. Sometimes a few times a day. They love spending money because they have it. But people in Brooklyn are (still) different. To me it seems like they don't focus on their finances as THE goal, but rather put the weight on their creative side. They all want to leave a mark and not JUST make money. I respect that, and even though most of the workers from Vice, who come everyday as their offices are located right next door, have a slight superior vibe, I'm willing to let that go. Because at the end of the day, them being brain washed about how they are the best humans/creators on planet earth, does not affect my tip. On the contrary. 

A few days ago I got a phone call from one of my bosses saying a couple was coming in - Michael and Mark and he insisted I had to be extra nice and make sure not to charge them because they were 'big' in the online food industry. Whatever that means.

We get A LOT of bloggers, instagrammers, critics and just regular 'important foodies'. I never get excited. But these guys were different from the moment they stepped in the door. The restaurant was empty so we had time to talk without interruption. They were English and warm - not the first quality anyone would affiliate with the Brits.

They knew my name already from talking to Daniel, our PR lady and I gave them the best table for pictures.

They were real, curious, kind and absolutely adorable.

'Did Daniel tell you about what we do?' Michael, the more talkative one asked, while pulling up their Instagram page.
'Not really, I just heard you were coming'

He showed me their page @Symmetrybreakfast

The first thing I noticed was indeed the symmetry and then, under the word followers I saw 567K. I really liked the magic of the consecutive numbers but it took a while to register it meant half a million.

While I was thinking about the numbers and their significance, Michael started telling me about the story behind their page. There was a REAL story.

'For the past two years we've been eating the same breakfast together every single morning and I've been capturing the dishes mirroring each other.'

It hit me and my jaw dropped. Literally. I felt how much work went into creating this page and maintaining this life style. The attention to detail, the passion for cooking, the appreciation for beauty.

I asked how it all started and the answer filled my heart with hope. A rare sensation to experience in relation to social media.

'It started when Mark had to works sixteen hour days in the fashion industry and the only time we had together was in the morning. So I decided to invest in it and turn this time we had together into memorable and meaningful. After a while I started posting photos, then it became a page and one day it exploded.

I suggested to order the Eggs Siniya because it would photograph well and we continued talking about truth, intention, and how meaningless fame and money can be if they don't support their original goal of getting closer to each other.

It resonated with me on so many levels. As artists, while we all want to be recognized for our work and creation, the true ones always keep the intention in mind. Whatever it might be. We all have different reasons for why we create but I think there’s one common truth - connection.

Some of us want to inspire, others to help the ones in need and some just want to be understood. We share, share, share, compulsively but out of necessity. Not for money or fame, but rather for the humanity of the act. For the beauty. We do it to acknowledge the fact everything is extremely fragile, reminding each other to be careful not to break the most precious thing of all – our bond as humans.

Michael and Mark, thank you for reminding me once again the importance of true love and connection. 

 

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Daughter.

Last week I took the Megabus to DC to see Daughter. They were sold out in NY and Philly so Washington was the only (reasonably) close place to go to in order to catch them before they loose their magic. We all know most bands do.  

I stood by myself in a big crowd and surprisingly didn't feel awkward. I didn't  have the urge to check my phone or get a drink to feel belonged. I waited. Silently. 

But as I waited I started thinking about my life. My past, my present, my future. I started thinking about my parents and how they didn't have time to raise me. How they did the best they could while focusing on being immigrants in Israel in the early 90's. I was mad at them for not forcing me to play an instrument. 'Because if they did, I would have had THIS life right now. I would have toured the world on a magic carpet!' 

All of a sudden Wilsen came on stage and their drummer made me feel like something was wrong with my rhythm or perception of sound. I was questioning myself and after judging my hearing furiously I started comparing myself to the singer and in a split second had a sense of superiority. Like I knew something she didn't know. For instance, how my voice was better than hers. Of course. 

Truly manic.

'I haven't practiced yoga for a few days' I thought, while my resentment expanded and steamed out of me like from a boiling kettle. 

Then right away I was back to blaming my parents for something I couldn't even put my finger on. And I wasn't really disappointed with my life either. I WAS happy and grateful and content. And I couldn't have asked for better parents. That was the reality, and this new struggling me, surprised with her appearance as if coming full force from around the corner of my left hemisphere just to scare the right. 

Wilsen announced their last song. Tamsin was sweet and lovable but still she didn't make me dive deep into her music and melt with it.

After another excruciating forty minutes of stagnant wait, Daughter finally got on stage. 

The show was flawless. To the point of almost perfection. But I looked for soul, for connection, for some emotion. And they were so English. Clean, cold, proper.

Igor and Elena were standing opposite of each other, so far away in fact, it made me slightly uncomfortable and raised questions about the dramatic choice. I looked for the story of their relationship on stage. There was such distance between them but their magnetic attraction was evident to me. A silent force. It seemed like they only looked at each other when the other wasn't looking. Knowing each other's moves by heart. 

Igor smiled maybe twice throughout the entire show. As if he wasn't really capable of more. Elena started smiling more towards the middle. I noticed a mischievous  look on her face while she was singing Together/Alone 'I hate walking alone, I should get a dog or something'. She didn't take herself too seriously with those lyrics. I could tell she liked that part and I fell in love with her in that moment. Her soul was special and fragile. The emotion I was looking for. But I had to wait for it. And focus hard on seeing it behind the icy shell I recognized so well.

'We LOVE you!!' Was yelled again by a very loud and unpleasant voice I chose not to mention until now, as it periodically ruined the show for everyone. Elena was very patient with it. Igor wasn't so much. He had no tolerance for that sort of exchange. 

'The next song is called Amsterdam'

He said abruptly Into the mic quickly after an awkward laughter formed in the crowd. 

Amsterdam. Massive howling. He broke the silence. That was his way of expressing emotions. 

They played their best songs from all the albums. The line up was well thought out. It worked. 

And I still I wanted to feel more. Not sure what gave me the permission to ask for more after the polished diamond performance. Maybe it's the story teller in me, maybe my addiction to extreme emotions. Maybe both.  

But i did stop thinking abut my childhood and my parents and my career and my so called problems. I was there with them. Watching, listening, absorbing. They did it. Got me out of my head. 

Daughter's icy performance was magical. If I was looking for comfort I should have asked myself a long time ago - 

'Why on earth do I like this band so much?'

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